BREAKING NEWS

Tragedy befalls Turino

Tragedy struck the U.S. Olympic team when Jim Frayne of Sleepyside was hit and killed by a Zamboni at 12:14am. Mr. Frayne, who made Olympic history by medaling in 10 events, was on the ice at The Palavela (location of the speed skating and ice skating events) when his promising young life came to an end. The circumstances that brought Mr. Frayne to The Palavela in southeast Turino are still under investigation.

Miss Trixie Belden, identified as the deceased’s ‘special girl’, spoke of the Mr. Frayne’s abilities in an exclusive interview after his ski-joring win on Day 7 of the Olympics. She was quoted as saying, “I’m not a bit surprised by Jim’s success in all these different events. After all, there isn’t anything worth doing that Jim can’t do, and do awfully well.” Miss Belden could not be reached for comment and has been in seclusion with her friends and family since learning of the heartbreaking incident.

Rumors are circulating that Mr. Frayne’s reputation for doing everything well may have led to unrealistic expectations from his adoring fans and as a result contributed to his demise. This unsubstantiated gossip suggests that Mr. Frayne, in a quest to perfect yet another sport, may have gone to the ice rink to practice backwards swizzles in order to qualify for the figure skating competition. How Mr. Frayne and the Zamboni happened to be on the ice at the same time is, at this time, a mystery.

Mr. Jones, the operator of the Zamboni, is currently being interviewed in police custody. He had been on the job only a week and is a recent immigrant from the United States.